Note: I’m so glad you’ve found this blog ! This post is intended primarily for parents-to-be, but if you are a new grandparent (or will be soon), I’d love for you to read some Tips for New Grandparents. Congratulations on your growing family!

The arrival of a new baby is an exciting and transformative time for parents and their extended families. Grandparents, in particular, often eagerly await the birth of their grandchild, envisioning the unique role they'll play in the child's life.

As a postpartum doula with years of experience, I've witnessed firsthand the special relationship that grandparents can build with their grandchildren, and the unique bonds that develop between grandparents and new babies. At times, however, challenges can arise when grandparent expectations don't align with those of the new parents. In this blog post, I'll share insights and tips on how to manage grandparent expectations while fostering a supportive family dynamic during the postpartum period.

Tips from a Postpartum Doula on Navigating Grandparent Expectations

Open and Honest Communication

The foundation of any healthy relationship, especially within the context of a growing family, is open and honest communication. Before the baby arrives, have a heart-to-heart conversation with the grandparents about their expectations, hopes, and intentions. Encourage them to share their excitement and concerns, and express your own feelings and preferences as well.

Remember, it's essential to set boundaries and manage expectations from the start. Be clear about your parenting choices, such as feeding methods, sleep routines, and childcare responsibilities. While grandparents' advice is often valuable, you and your partner have the final say in what's best for your child.

Respect the Grandparents' Bond

Grandparents often have a unique bond with their grandchildren, and this relationship can be incredibly special. Allow the grandparents to spend quality time with the baby, fostering that connection. Encourage visits and offer opportunities for them to bond, like reading stories, singing lullabies, or taking walks with the baby.

Also, ensure that the grandparents understand your baby's schedule and routines. This will help prevent disruptions that could lead to sleepless nights or a fussy baby. Gentle guidance can go a long way in maintaining harmony between their bonding time and your baby's needs.

Establish Clear Roles

Clearly defining roles and responsibilities can help avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. Discuss with the grandparents what tasks you would appreciate their assistance with and any you might prefer to handle yourselves. This can include tasks like babysitting, cooking, or helping with household chores.

Make sure both you and the grandparents are comfortable with these roles and revisit them as needed. Flexibility is key, as your needs and the baby's needs may change over time.

Set Boundaries with Love

While it's crucial to establish boundaries, it's equally important to do so with love and understanding. Emphasize that your decisions are not a reflection of their parenting skills, but rather a matter of personal choice and what's best for your family. Remind them that you value their support and input, even if you don't always follow their advice.

Encourage Grandparent Education

In some cases, grandparents may have outdated information or beliefs about infant care. Encourage them to attend parenting classes or workshops that offer updated information on baby care practices. This can help bridge the gap between their generation's knowledge and current best practices. When I do private baby prep sessions with expecting families, I love it when grandparents join! That way everyone can be on the same page about current recommendations for safe sleep and newborn care.

Embrace the Village Mentality

The saying, "It takes a village to raise a child," still holds true today. Grandparents can be a valuable part of this village, offering wisdom, experience, and emotional support. Embrace their role in your child's life as an additional layer of love and care. When everyone works together, it can make the postpartum period more manageable and enjoyable for everyone involved.

Flexibility and Adaptation

Babies are unpredictable, and what works one day may not work the next. Encourage grandparents to be flexible and adaptable in their approach to baby care. Share information about your baby's changing needs and preferences so that they can adjust accordingly.

Lead by Example

As new parents, you set the tone for your family dynamics. Demonstrate respect, patience, and open-mindedness when it comes to the grandparents' involvement in your child's life. By modeling these behaviors, you create a positive environment for healthy relationships to flourish.

Seek Professional Guidance

If conflicts or misunderstandings persist and threaten to disrupt family harmony, don't hesitate to seek professional guidance. A family therapist or counselor can provide valuable insight and strategies for addressing complex family dynamics. The goal is to find solutions that work for everyone and prioritize the well-being of your child.

Express Gratitude

Never underestimate the power of gratitude. Express your appreciation to the grandparents for their love, support, and willingness to be a part of your child's life. Let them know that their involvement is invaluable and cherished.

Navigating grandparent expectations when a new baby is born can be a delicate balancing act. While it may come with its challenges, it's essential to approach this situation with empathy, gratitude, clear communication, and a commitment to maintaining healthy family relationships. Remember that, at the core, everyone involved shares a common goal: ensuring the well-being and happiness of the newest member of the family. By working together and fostering understanding, you can create a supportive and loving environment in which your baby can thrive.

Kathleen Robbins, a postpartum doula and Certified Lactation Counselor, provides in-person postpartum support to families in the St. Louis area and online and texting doula support to families in any location. For more information and to explore how postpartum doula support could be the right fit for your family, reach out today.